Never give up!

Guess I'm back for good. I made this just to release my chocked thoughts out of my mind in 2010 and now idk what to do with it. Actually this blog is giving me a lot of trouble...I might just keep it until SeeSee's Lenses Giveaway finishes 'cuz my boyfriend got mad at me when he found out about it. I mean...I didn't event thought of mentioning it since I was not using it. i used just to throw up all the stuff I was holding in my throat...I hate to remember those times. Anyways.
Last saturday was Shieru's B-day and I wanted to do something special for her. So I was thinking about asking her to go to Outback with us and I would pay for her. But I had a lot of misfortunes that day. First I decided to go out to buy her a present and it started raining so hard! And we ended up soaked! And she hadn't any clothes to wear... >.<' I did not wanted Ei-chan to get mad at me so, thinking only of avoiding his rage I had the worst idea ever: Tried to dry the clothes with the hair drier! Ok I admit It was stupid. The hair drier overheated and it was completely lost...Ei-chan got so mad at me ;.; I felt so useless...I tried so very hard to do everything hard but I always end up messing everything...the rest of the night was fine and fun. But when we reached home...he got mad again...ahd we had an argument. And I tried to kill myself, again....yeah, yeah, it was another stupid idea, i know. bla bla bla. He said some hard things and it hurt. I'm weak and sometimes I can't handle the truth (?) or people saying bad things on my face.
Anyways...we settled everything right. I still don't know what to do to improve myself..and I was still with that stupid migraine! Three days with that bitch on my head, fuck! I can't think strait and also I had to avoid using my lenses 'cuz the were hurting my eyes AND I had no glasses with me! So I was part time half-blind! Well it seems like I'm trying to make excuses for my mistakes...Idk! Am I such a stupid person? Do I only have...stupid ideas? I feel so mad..with me. In the morning everything was fine again...and I just hope he is not thinking I useless...I'm just hoping he will forget that argue...I just hope he won't give up on me. Because I never wanna give up on him...